What do our romantic relationships have in common with our approach to the working environment?
It’s well documented that our romantic relationships can charge our emotions like no other, with the classic fight or flight reactions often showing up as both fight and flight (the foot on both the brake and the accelerator simultaneously!). Relationship therapists advise that such a reactive style of exchange will ensure that couples remain stuck. And simply by focusing on taking a more responsive stance, adapting to mutual needs and developing a more agile style, couples will secure progress and more positive outcomes for their relationships.
The same can be said of our approach to the professional environment. The more we remain stuck, and wedded to habitual reactions and behaviours, the less likely we are to have the capacity, and agility, to respond to the evolving needs of the external environment.
So, let’s take a look at the relational advice for couples who find themselves stuck in these reactive exchanges, and see if we can borrow some techniques to help us move to a more responsive and agile approach at work:
- PAUSE: Stop, breathe, calm your emotional reaction
- REFLECT: Think about the current challenge – what could be the positive intent, or outcome?
- EXPLORE: What is your traditional reaction? Has it served you in the past?
- Take the BIGGER VIEW: Where does this sit in the wider picture? In a week, six weeks, six months from now?
- OWNERSHIP: Acknowledge and take responsibility for the part that you play in this situation.
- EMPATHISE: Go and explore the experience of the other party.
- NEGOTIATE: What represents value for both parties? These are often quite different.
- COMPROMISE: What would be relatively simple to concede, that could be really significant for the other party?
- CARE: Move away from personal defence and demonstrate an authentic investment in a solution for everyone.
- VULNERABILITY: Remain human. No-one enjoys a relationship with someone made of steel.
- APOLOGISE: And mean it. Sharing regret when we choose unhelpful behaviours shows a willingness to improve the relationship.
- LET GO: Don’t hold on to conflict like an inventory, to help guide your response to future exchanges. Deal with it well, move on.
Which techniques will best serve you to secure mutually beneficial outcomes and thriving relationships in the workplace? Pick one to start with, make it a habit then come back for more. Or, get in touch to see how we can help you manage your most important business levers, your relationships. You’re In Cool Company!
